


Bitter Coffee (slow updates)

by chan9bin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, ???? - Freeform, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with no happy ending, Crying, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, LSD, Lee Felix & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Siblings, Lee Know is Psychotic, M/M, Mentioned Kim Seungmin, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Horror, Recreational Drug Use, Sad Ending, Sadism, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unrequited Love, becuase the acid lol, can you tell what happens just by the tags, does it count if they don't have sex, i forgot that one, i think this will be long, i wrote this instead of paying attention in school, let me know, love homicide, more tags soon..?, or is it just, pls tell me i did good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26895844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chan9bin/pseuds/chan9bin
Summary: pls forgive me i dont know how to summarize this
Relationships: Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	Bitter Coffee (slow updates)

**Author's Note:**

> !! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH VIOLENCE, MURDER, DRUG USE OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS. !!

Felix sat on the floor with the tab in his mouth, watching the ceiling fan. His boyfriend, Changbin, was sitting next to him. Changbin was sober only because he was making sure Felix was safe during his acid trip. He hadn't started to feel anything yet, but his mind already wandered.

"You know, as a kid I always said I wouldn't do drugs; but here I am," Felix said. Changbin had never thought about this. He intertwined their fingers and placed a kiss on Felix's cheek in apology for a lack of response. "But if I could tell little fifteen-year-old me to _not_ do acid, I don't think I would have." Felix tapped their hands on the floor, patiently waiting for his high to come around. "Do you think my mom would be disappointed in me?" he said, feeling the need to fill any silence that ensued.

"Maybe," Changbin responds. He did this whenever he knew Felix wanted a certain answer, but he didn't want to give it to him. In this case he definitely wanted to hear a no; but Changbin knew in his soul that Felix's mother would be very upset with him if she were still around.

"What about Minho-hyung? Do you think he's disappointed in me?" Felix finally looked Changbin in the eyes. He was clearly unsettled by the question. He never liked Felix's brother. Didn't like talking to or about him, hated being in his presence, and just barely tolerated him altogether. He'd always been a little off-seeming to Changbin. "Oh come on, Binnie. He's a little loopy but he's still my brother."

"I don't like the way he talks to you."

"Changbin, please, not now."

"No. He talks to you like you're his lover. He makes way too much physical contact for a fucking older brother." Felix cupped Changbin's cheek with one hand to shut him up.

"I get it. I don't really see it how you see it, but I get it. Just know that you're the only person I'd ever consider spending my whole life devoting my undivided attention to. You're the love of my life and nothing can change that." Felix giggled before speaking again. "If you ever think my _brother_ could come in between us then you're a little loopy too," he paused before leaning in for a kiss.

"Wait! Swallow your tab, dumbass," Changbin said, throwing Felix into a laughing fit after he swallowed; but Changbin silenced him with his lips. Even after the kiss there were a few seconds where they just stared into each other's eyes, completely still and silent.

"Let's go grab some coffee before I drop?"

"We don't have sugar or creamer," Changbin grunted out as he stood to make Felix coffee anyway. "I spent the last of the money I didn't have to pay bills with on weed."

"Whatever, I'll drink it black if I really have to. Just hurry up with it, I hate eating or drinking at all when I'm tripping and I need something before I drop."

"Then drink water. At least water won't taste like melted unicorn ass in your mouth when you start getting high." Felix hummed as he began to pout. He wanted coffee, but he also didn't want a terrible mind-fucked tasted in his mouth for the whole night. Changbin seemed to hear his internal thoughts. "I'll make you coffee, but if I hear you complaining about the taste I'm putting your head in the toilet. Seriously. I know how you get when you're acid-high, you'll complain about very minor things and I don't want to hear it... please."

"Okay. I'll try not to complain. I don't think my head in the toilet would be a very good experience on acid, really."

"Exactly! That's why I said that." Changbin took a whiff from the bag of coffee. It smelled strong. "What did you get for coffee this time? It smells different," he asked Felix. But Felix wasn't paying attention. Felix was laying on the couch, playing with a lighter. "Lixie," Changbin called.

"Yeah?"

"What did you get for coffee this time?"

"You know that $30 Minho-hyung gave to me?"

"Yes? What about it?"

"Spent most of it on the most expensive coffee I could find. The rest I spent on more lighters since this one's... almost dead." Felix was playing with the fire that came out of the lighter, but Changbin didn't bother to tell him to stop.

_Death Wish Coffee_

Changbin turned the bag around to look at its caffeine content.

 _59mg caffeine per fluid ounce of prepared coffee (See recommended COFFEE:WATER ratio)_

"Shit, Felix, I hope you like watery coffee because I am _not_ giving you _that_ much caffeine before you get high," Changbin said, eliciting a whine from Felix.

"Pretty please Changbinnie~? It tastes really good..."

"Fine, but only because you're cute. You can have two shot glasses of it but no more. I'll just make enough for that and a cup for me."

"Oh, I see how you are. Am I not cute enough for a whole cup, hyung?" Felix said, exaggerating the end entirely too much for it to not sound sarcastic. Changbin was pulling out a shot glass from the back of the cupboards and ended up with a pink one that said 'girls night out!' on the front. He remembered when Felix bought a whole set when he was drunk, and they had just decided to keep them because they were too funny.

"Oh, you're plenty cute, baby. Plenty, plenty cute. I'm just not giving you a lot of caffeine, ok, princess?" Changbin sipped the coffee from his cup. It was bitter.

"Mm.. 'kay. Quickly, Bin, it's kicking in now," as soon as Felix asked, Changbin came around with the shot glass, filled with coffee, and his cup, only half full, and cuddled up with his lover. He watched intently as Felix's pupils started to dilate. He loved Felix, truly. He didn't love Felix with his heart - since the heart changes constantly in what it wants - he loved Felix with his guts; so much so that it hurt just to look at him and his beautiful smile, pretty laugh, and even to hear his voice.

"Baby?" he said. Felix only hummed in response. "I love you. A lot."

"I love you too. A whole lot," Felix looked into Changbin's eyes instead of at the ceiling, ignoring that his eyes seemed as if they were completely black. "Love you more than the stars in the sky... love you more than anyone could ever love you." Felix looked back up at the ceiling that now stared back at him with big, red eyes. Changbin decided to leave that conversation as it was.

"Do you want me to get a coloring book?"

"I'll come with you," Felix said as he stood up and took Changbin's hand in his own once again. Felix lead him down the narrow hallway where all he saw were little kid's drawings on the walls. They looked vaguely familiar. However, he only hummed and pushed them to the back of his mind. Reaching he and Changbin's shared bedroom he picked up the first coloring book he saw. It was titled, in large, glittery bubble lettering: _'Clever Cat Coloring book!'_ Felix tossed it to the side and picked up the next one in the stack. This one was a puppy coloring book Seungmin had given him when he had run out of coloring books. He smiled at the memory. "Changbinnie! I want this one. Can you get the markers for me, please?" Felix plopped down on the bed. The sheets felt like a fluffy cat's fur; he decided to completely indulge himself into the feeling before it went away, laying with his face in the sheets. He felt the weight of the bed shift when Changbin sat on it. 

"You have to sit up to color, Lix." Felix groaned before responding.

"Don't wanna. Color for me."

"Lixie. Get up, please." Another exaggerated groan from Felix.

"...Meanie;" he said, but complied nonetheless. He tore a page out of the coloring book slowly; enjoying the ripping sound, and picked up a marker from the bin (although, he couldn't tell what color it was, they all looked white to him). "What color is this?" he questioned, already beginning to scratch his marker onto the surface of the page. It came out like rainbow puke and had the texture of gravel.

"I forget what you call that color. Neon green? Lime? Something like that."

"Green puppy it is, then." He didn't particularly care if it looked stupid when he sobered up; in fact, that was the fun part of it. The dog's legs on the page had begun to move, as if the dog was running. Felix kept colored in the legs as they moved, knowing full well that it wasn't really where the lines were. Soon enough all he saw on the page was a big puddle of rainbow ink. "I think I'm... done with this."

"It looks ridiculous. Cute."

There is a light knock on the door before Felix can object to the word 'ridiculous'; and it opened before he could even tell Changbin to get the door.

"CHANGBIN! FELIX! Come out here!" they said. Felix recognized the voice instantly, one of his best friends, Jisung. He ran up to the door to give him a spine-crushing hug. Changbin followed behind him reluctantly. He wasn't really expecting visitors; not that Jisung wasn't welcome, Changbin had told him personally that he was free to come over whenever he felt he wanted to, but he just didn't really feel like socializing with anyone other than his boyfriend. "Hi, Lixie," Jisung said. "I brought you some stuff for making cookies if you wanna... aaand, I took it upon myself to restock your vitamins since I seen they were almost gone last week." 

"Thanks, Ji, you're such a great friend," Felix says, wrapping his arms around Jisung's tiny waist, capturing him in a one-sided hug. Although the word 'friend' was right in the sentence, Changbin couldn't help but feel a tinge of disgust in his his chest whenever Felix talked to Jisung. After a few short but definitely too long moments, Felix let go of Jisung and ran over to the kitchen to put his vitamins away.

"Hyung," Jisung called to Changbin despite him walking with Felix. Changbin stopped in his tracks to look back at him. 

"Yeah?"

"Will you... come outside for a second? There's something I want to talk to you about." Changbin didn't like the tone in Jisung's voice. It sounded nervous. Nervous could only mean bad. But nonetheless, he was a good friend, so he shouted to Felix that they would be right back and stepped out of the front door. As soon as he did, he pulled leaned against his usual spot on the wall and pulled out his vape. "What flavor this time, hyung?"

"Cherry," Changbin said, as firmly as he could. There were a couple minutes of silence before Jisung spoke up again.

"Changbin-hyung... we're friends right?" Jisung motioned for Changbin to hand the vape to him. Changbin complied.

"Of course we are. I wouldn't give you my keys and let you in my apartment and any time you wanted if we weren't friends." Jisung blew out smoke and let it cover his face. He mumbled out a coule barely-audible curses.

"Are... are you... possessive over Felix?" Changbin immediately cocked his eyebrows. He knew what Jisung was getting at. He hated that he was definitely right. He grabbed the pen back from Jisung and pondered an answer.

"Not in the way you're poking at."

"Nonono! That's not at all what I meant! You're not messed up like that. Unless you are?" Changbin scoffed at that.

"No. Felix is my boyfriend and I just have the natural... instincts... I guess." The silence came back.

"I'm sorry, I just felt like you were... bothered by me doing things for him or letting him hug me." They stood for another few minutes. Changbin didn't feel the need to respond to that. He didn't want to lie to his best friend. "...If you are I can stop-"

"Just because I don't like it doesn't mean I'm going to take it away from Felix. He loves skinship and you so much. I'm not going to make my boyfriend upset just because I'm jealous of my own fucking best friend hugging him." Changbin idled for a few seconds before blowing his final puff of smoke and waving it away. "That was a little uncalled for on my end..." he turned his doorknob and began to walk back in, implying that he didn't want the conversation to escalate any more, "...I apologize. Like I've told you before, you're always welcome here. You're like the little brother I never had. Just... ignore it when I'm like this," he paused, "if you plan to leave now, at least say bye to Felix." Jisung genuinely didn't want to go into the house anymore, so he just shouted at Felix.

"I gotta go Lixie! I'll see you soon!" he yelled, earning an elongated goodbye back. Changbin just scoffed and shut the door.

Now he had no idea what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok listen ive never done acid so idk if this is accurate but !!!!


End file.
